Kaitlin Terra Herne

Birthday Cake!

2012-02-07T12:55:00.000-08:00

So I know people have been waiting to see pictures so here they are :) My forever baby girls 4th birthday cake :) It's made with two 8 inch rounds that I cut in half and then touch the circle side together in the middle there :) It's frosted with a coolwhip frosting and there is a layer of strawberries inside of it :) So I learned a lesson that cookie frosting does NOT work well for cake frosting ;)

I like to make sure Em gets included, so I left the sprinkling for her ;) I had to throw my need for perfection out the window however when she really just spilled little piles all over it....so worrying we would never be able to see the decorations under neath I had a brilliant idea...sugar crystals can be treated ALOT like glitter :) So we spent a minute or two blowing on the cake to spread them and to get the excess off :)

Here's the final piece :) I hope it tastes yummy cause I think it turned out really well this year!

Merry Christmas Baby Girl

2011-12-24T20:22:00.001-08:00

Another Christmas passing...meaning the 4th anniversary of your birth and death is soon to follow. I still remember how shortly after Christmas the year I carried you I was admitted to the hospital for my longest stay...a month. Trying times...times I wouldn't redo or give up cause every moment I got to hold you in me and touch you outside of was worth all those horrible moments inbetween. Sending you lots of love this Christmas. Merry Christmas Baby Girl.

Kaitlin's Angels

2011-05-26T10:53:00.000-07:00

So after much thinking of what I wanted to do instead of donating ALL the money I make to the March of Dimes I came up with this

Kaitlin's Angels

This program will allow me to donate memory boxes to local hospitals. Right now it's small...but someday I hope it will be bigger! I also plan on donating miscarriage blankets to my local doctor who has got me through two pregncies at this point so people in the office have something to walk away with.

I also through this program mail out a free memory box each month to special winner.

All of this costs money...so that is why I'm now officially going to launch a way to donate directly to this project.

3 years ago...

2011-02-22T04:54:00.001-08:00

3 years ago I woke today in a hotel. It was the morning after one of the toughest, no THE toughest moment of my life. Nothing really compares to holding your baby while they take their last breath. I woke up knowing I was changed forever. I carry with me now an "angel". Do I believe she's in a heaven, no not really. I do however believe that those we love carry in with us...inside us. They need us to remember for them, to live for them. So Kaitlin lives on with us...she's the quiet whisper of inspiration behind every miscarriage blanket and now bracelet. Knowing I can help one other person out there remember their child and to help the child live on with their mommy and daddy's life...is what keeps me going. Is why I keep making and will always make these items.

We send her messages every year...this year our first attempt failed miserably and they are still probably sitting in the trees outside our place.

Emilie decorated her balloon with stickers :)
So we went out and got another one. A combination of hunger and being sick...we picked one from a grocery store...and well the pickings we sort of slim...

But it also sort of reminded me of a friends dear bunny that just passed away a few days ago...so it was fitting :) This one flew ... accept it was dark out so no video of it.

3 years...over.

Celebrating your birthday

2011-02-15T19:50:00.001-08:00

So everyone got to see pics of the cake, but this is what INSIDE the cake looked like. I totally put in purple and pink sprinkles. Next year it needs WAY more though :)

Here's little sis enjoying a piece :)

Thank you Grant, Ashley, Ryan, and Tom for coming over and celebrating with us :) Ashley even remembered to wear purple which was pretty special for mommy to see :)

Celebrating Kaitlin's memory is super special and the little things my friends have done have touched me.

I also want to send a thanks out to Brandie and Michelle who sent me pics of the candles they lite on her birthday and sent me pics :)

Happy 3rd Birthday Baby Girl

2011-02-07T08:09:00.000-08:00

Mommy made you your cake this year. It took her all day but she is happy with the result. And there is a special surprise in the inside...it's purple and pink funfetti cake :)

Your little sister is showing her love by being dressed in purple ofcourse :)

She also insisted after stealing your kitty cat and purple teddy that they needed to be put up on the speaker with your book.

Another year has gone by. Looking at your little dress brings it all back. Angel was perfect size for your outfit mommy was going to bring you home in. So she's going to wear it for awhile.

We hung up Grandma's blanket too for this year. At the end of the two weeks it's going to be packed safely with your things. Mommy hopes someday she has a big house and can leave these kinds of things out all the time.

Here's a close up of Angel in your outfit, along with a candle burning bright.

The dress you wore for one of our favorite pictures.

As always here is your birthday balloon :) A butterfly this year.

Emilie helped this year. She carried the balloon out and even let it go for me :)

Another year may have passed but your will never be forgotten. Mommy made you a new video this year too. Hopefully this one won't get the music taken out of it since the song is free to use for things like these. Know little girl your with me always. Love mommy.

A few new things...

2011-02-05T11:27:00.000-08:00

Came across this woman who makes these tiny babies out of molds. Then she customizes them for what you are looking for :) How nice it this! Expect to see this babe crop up alot in Kaitlin's memorial set-ups :)

I also got the a little plaque made with the same tiny babe on it for the wall :) This one will always be out. And it all came in time for her anniversary that is coming in a few days :)

Close up of the plaque.

Merry Christmas Baby Girl :)

2010-12-25T04:05:00.000-08:00

Christmas for Kaitlin

2010-12-03T07:00:00.001-08:00

So every year since we've lost her Kaitlin has got her own tree. It runs from the time I put it up until Christmas. It's the one light we leave on all night :)

I've gotten the names off the giving tree again a newborn for our sweet angel and a baby for Emilie. Gifts for them are bought and almost ready to go.

This year I intend on adding in the tradition of lighting a candle Christmas morning while we unwrap presents.

Merry Christmas Sweet Baby...hope you stay near this holiday season.

Building of Angel

2010-10-16T17:10:00.000-07:00

So I've fallen in love with Build-A-Bear. I so wish I had one of these when I was growing up :) Emilie got her new bunny Peanutbutter and on trip number two we made Kaitlin a special bear. Here we are picking out something to put inside her. She says "I love you" when you press the button in her heart area.

Emilie enjoyed herself :)

Time to bring our little bear to life.

Angel has three hearts inside of her.
One for mommy, one for daddy and one for her sister Emilie.

We both kissed the hearts before they were put inside.

Totally posing since Ashley just couldn't keep up ;)

Giving Angel a cleaning before we move on to dressing her and officially naming her.

Here we are making out her birth certificate. Which we put her birthday as February 7th. Since she is Kaitlin's bear after all.

And here she is :) All pretty and purple. Someday she might even have an angel costume if I like it on her. I have to wait for Christmas.

You may think it's silly to have a bear set aside for a child who will never hug her. But it's these small things that I can do to keep Kaitlin alive and with me. I got to share Kaitlin with my friends the day I made this bear. And now I have something to give hugs to when I miss her. And the little "I love you" always brings a tear to my eye.

2 years

2010-02-07T08:15:00.000-08:00

Another year has passed since we first met our baby girl, Kaitlin Terra.
The excitement I felt the first day I saw her is still there in my heart, along with the sadness I feel for what we didn't know was coming in the following days.

We kept the celebration small this year. We bought another cake. Lit another candle, and one will be lite each day until the day she passed. And I laid our her gown and hat.

Her little sister is still a little young to understand and will be for many years, but next year she will be able to participate more in Kaitlin's birthday, this year she just got a little tiny bite for frosting.

We miss you baby girl and will love you always.

Merry Christmas Kaitlin!

2009-12-26T03:55:00.000-08:00

Last year Mommy and Daddy didn't decorate the house so there was nothing out to show it was Christmas. We also didn't have your urn out for people to see. We were still adjusting and missing you too much. This year it was different.

Mommy found the sweetest little bib and outfit while out shopping for your sister. She got the outfit but the bib will forever be yours. Santa's Littlest Angel....how fitting :) I also found I had a perfect little tree to put on your shelf. I put batteries in it and it ran 24/7. Your own personal tree, topped with a special ornament your Grammie gave mommy last Christmas. Before we put it away mommy is going to see if Daddy or Uncle Tom can change the colors of the lights inside it :)

Last year Mommy did do something for you, she found these ornaments. One hangs with your pictures on the wall but the other will be put on our tree every year :) Your sister has one just like it too, just this year her's didn't make the tree.

There are also two purple butterfly ornaments that mommy will put on the tree each year. She bought them while visiting Uncle Travis and Aunt Kristi. This year only this one made it there, but we'll get the other one fixed so it can hang too :)
There also is a special angel on the tree that mommy bought last year too. The Angel of Hope.

Merry Christmas sweet baby girl.

A Sister Angel

2009-06-12T02:27:00.000-07:00

I've been following closely the story of a baby that was born just before Christmas this past year, well 10 days before Christmas to be exact. Her name Keelan.

She quickly started having problems after a full term pregnancy :\ (Even carrying to 40 weeks doesn't guarantee anything). After lots of tests and help in the NICU Keelan was diagnosed with Canavan Disorder, which meant there was no chance for her survival. Her parents were told to take her home to die.

However they asked for a second opinion. Which they found that Canavan Disorder was not the issue. Keelan spent much time in and out of hospitals. Everytime she came home we all hoped it would be for good, but relapses happened and she had to go back. She had lots of trouble swallowing and sucking so she spent time on feeding tubes and O2.

The last blow came early in June. They had done lots of tests on her to see how they "fix" her. Her latest MRI however showed it just couldn't be done. Her brain was shrinking and thats just something we haven't figured out how to stop yet. So her parents where told it was just a matter of time.

A week later they had thier final night with thier baby girl before she slipped away in an eternal sleep. She was almost 6 months old.

You can read her obituary here: Keelan Budds

I don't know why this story touches me more than so many of the others i've read and followed. I think it has alot to do with how there was so much hope that she would pull through and in the end it didn't matter. In the end the cards where already picked for her and her parents are just left to deal with the consequences. My heart broke each and every time she seemed to get worse and rejoiced everytime she got better. I had hoped one day baby Keelan would go home for good but as a happy healthy baby. My thoughts remain with her parents through this difficult time. Kaitlin and Keelan are sure to become fast friends.

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Hallmark,

I am writing to you from heaven,
and though it must appear

A rather strange idea,
I see everything from here.

I just popped in to visit,
your stores to find a card

A card of love for my mother,
as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought,
There was every card you could imagine

Except I could not find a card,
from a child who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too,
no matter where I reside

I had to leave, she understands,
but oh the tears she's cried.

I thought that if I wrote you,
that you would come to know

That though I live in heaven now,
I still love my mother so.

She talks with me, and dreams with me;
we still share laughter too,

Memories is our way of speaking now,
would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart,
her tears she hides from sight.

She writes poems to honor me,
sometimes far into the night

She plants flowers in my garden,
there my living memory dwells

She writes to other grieving parents,
trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark,
though I no longer live on earth

I must find a way,
to remind her of her wondrous worth

She needs to be honored,
and remembered too

Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark,
I know you'll do your best

I have done all I can do;
to you I'll leave the rest.

Find a way to tell her,
how much she means to me

Until I can do it for myself,
when she joins me in eternity.

~JODY SEILHEIMER ~

March of Dimes Walk

2009-05-02T16:26:00.000-07:00

The walk was today!!! Yay!!

Here are the guys walking!

This is what I did while the guys were walking :) The chair is even purple which was the color this year for their t-shirts. I think it's normally the color but last year they were periwinklish. We got lots of stuff this year, things I didn't expect we would get since I thought that you only get one of the incentives, but not complaining. I got a new sweatshirt :) And they will be mailing me a $100 Macy's card. Which I'm not sure what I will do with it yet...but cool to have I guess. Really I could careless about the incentives.

Here is everyone who was there :) Yay for Jason not having to walk alone. It was a cold morning so thank you to all who came!! It was greatly appreciated. Next year Jen and I want to staff the registration stand with our combined team...so we will be looking for volunteers to collect money, hand out incentives and possibly cook food...it doesn't take your whole day so even if you can only give an hour or two please think about it!!

And this is Jen and I :) She had her own team there walking for her little man Zachary. Next year we are joining together and calling it something like Our Angels, or something and our t-shirts will have pics of both Zack and Kaitlin.

Here is the graphic that was only my t-shirt:

Again a big thank you to all who donated!! We in deed reached our goal. Which I did also cry when they did the count down to the walk and I probably always will...but thats another story. Any donations received now will go towards next years walk, where the goal won't be so high. BUT here is a cool fact. Kmart in this area brought in $7,000 and we brought in $1,221 :) So doing that ALONE without the convience of a store sponsership is pretty cool!

It's been a year...

2009-02-21T19:37:00.000-08:00

...since we last held our little girl. She will always be missed and always be loved. A friend wrote this for us in Kaitlin's name and I thought it fitting to place it here.

An Angel Speaks

Momma, I wanted to drop you a line
To let you know I'm doing fine

To me the other angels sing,
You've now earned you angel wing.

I look at flowers in the sun
And oh the butterflies are so much fun

For many months you cared for me,
and loved me enough to let me be me.

If you don't already know, this new baby will show,
How wonderful a mother you are.

No need to let me know your doing fine
Cause as an angel, I watch over all of you from nine to nine

So thank you momma for being strong,
Until next time, so long

by: T. Colclough

Kaitlin is turning one...

2009-02-05T08:20:00.000-08:00

On Saturday morning at 10:04 am Kaitlin turns one. I've thought so hard on what to do for her, how to honor her memory and how to get through the next two weeks. I wanted to hold a memorial for her, but I can't being pregnant and on bedrest. So I have to do one alone with Jason. But if any of you want to do your own I would love to know about it and have pictures. As her blog will be continuing on through the years.

At 10:04 am this Saturday I will be lighting a purple candle. I have a special candle holder I picked out and i'm impatiently waiting for it to arrive so hopefully it will be here. Since I won't leave a candle burning all night it will blown out before bed and relight each morning for the 14 days she lived. I also am having a special cake made for her on Saturday. On the 21^st Jason and I will release purple balloons with our own messages to her on them. The final candle will be extinguished at 10:08 pm.

I will post pictures of the memorial we did here when I have it all set up. If you are doing one of your own and would like to send the pics please do :) I would love to include them.

In Kaitlin's Name

2008-07-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

There are many sites that have been created at this point that go along with my memorial for my little girl:

In Kaitlin's Name
All the things that are done in memory of our sweet baby girl is here.

Miscarriage Blankets
The site I made to describe the blankets and how to order them from me.

Their Garden in the Sky
Other people's little angels.

Angel Poems
A place for my poetry along with others.

Kaitlin's Memorial CD
Why I chose these songs and their lyrics

Looming for Angels
A place for my patterns

Walking for Kaitlin

2008-03-20T12:28:00.000-07:00

I've created a March for Babies team in Kaitlin's name. We will walk at our local park to help support all those who have preemies who are in need of care. Without the March of Babies all the research that has been done to keep these little ones alive wouldn't have been done (or so quickly done). If you are interested in joining or donating check out our site:

http://www.marchforbabies.org/514962

Kaitlin's Cards

2008-03-20T10:48:00.001-07:00

At the bottom of this page you will find a map to show where all of the cards came from to support us through all of this. Thank you everyone :)

Or here is the link: Map

In her memory...

2008-03-18T11:54:00.000-07:00

I've moved all the links previously posted on the memorial site to this blog. You can see them by clicking on the candle. Or the comments to this blog.

Remember Me Always

2008-03-10T08:22:00.001-07:00

Remember me always
as I will never forget you
I know you loved me
and I loved you too

Remember me always
as I fly close and near
as your angel baby
there to catch every tear

Remember me always
tucked safe in your heart
through the happy moments too
we will never be apart

Remember me always
and know I don't blame you
you did everything out of love
I would have done the same for you

Remember me always
as inside of your I lay
I love you mommy and daddy
in your hearts I will forever stay

Like A Rose

2008-03-07T08:24:00.000-08:00

Like a Rose

you started as a tiny seed
tucked away safe and warm
slowly you sprouted
slowly you grew
inching your way towards the light
towards existence
towards the world

still to delicate for the world
you emerged, perfect
a delicate bud
requiring love and special care
you struggled to live
to survive
to be

opening your petals
for one brief moment
you shared with the world
your sweetness
your love
your beauty

then slowly your faded away
wilting before our eyes
slipping from us
you drifted from existence
still beautiful
still perfect

leaving a sweet fragrance
a memory for us to hold
to cherish
to remember

Her Journey's Just Begun

2008-03-05T12:59:00.000-08:00

I do read the cards people send and many have great, nice messages...but this one seemed very fitting so I wanted to share the poem on the card with you all :)

Her Journey's Just Begun

Don't think of her as gone away-
her journey's just begun...
life holds so many faucets-
this earth is only one.

Just think of her as resting
from the sorrows and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days and years.

Think of how she must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness
can really pass away.

And think of her as living
in the hearts of those she touched...
for nothing loved is ever lost-
and she was loved so much.

E. Brenneman

Thank you Grandma and Grandpa Henry
not only for the beautiful card but also for the money :)

I am a mommy too

2008-03-03T11:23:00.000-08:00

I am a mommy, too

My baby you cannot see
I never took her home with me
Her nursery she never saw
but I am still a "ma"

My baby I cannot hold
or bundle her against the cold
I cannot brush her curly hair
But I am still a "mere"

My baby I cannot touch
or will my finger she ever clutch
I cannot dress her in blue
but I am a mommy too

My baby, to early from the womb
left this world much too soon
My baby angel, my heart does miss
As I am missing motherhood's bliss

For I am a mommy too...
to a baby born much too soon.

(I write poetry when I get depressed...it helps to work through it...so I wouldn't expect this to be the last of the poems you see posted.)

:`(

2008-02-29T13:40:00.001-08:00

Kaitlin came home today...

1 week

2008-02-28T14:05:00.001-08:00

It's been one week since we said good bye to our little angel. It's not easy realizing that I will never hold her again or see her little face, but it is comforting to know that she isn't in pain anymore or having to endure transfusion after transfusion.

I don't think I ever really gave the explicit details as to why we choose to let her go, so just to clear any gray area here it is:

She got the infection on a Monday, which grew incredibly fast during the culture. The fact that it grew so fast was a horrible sign that it was a strong end fierce infection. They immediately put her on antibiotics and tried everything they could to help her fight it. They elevated her so she was laying at a slant to help keep fluids from accumulating in her lungs. Kaitlin also from the beginning had a platelet problem. She couldn't keep her levels at a normal rate so they were constantly giving her platelets, which platelets are important since they are the part of your blood that clots when you get a cut...she had many openings in her body that weren't natural from her surgeries and other various things that they needed to do to her (like her g-tube and the tube they put in her tummy on that Sunday to vent out the excess air, etc). When a preemie receives so many fluids it raises the risk of their tiny vessels rupturing, so they keep a close eye on their brain since that is the most vulnerable. They did a scan of Kaitlin's brain on Wednesday and our doctor called in the expert to relook at it on Thursday. What they found was Grade 3 bleeding (pretty serious) and because our little one had the platelet problem they anticipated that it would only get worse and worse, which would cause lots of brain damage (pressure on your brain is never a good thing and the blood had no where to go). We could have opted at that point in time to wait out the infection (that is IF she ever would have gotten over the infection) and hoped for the best, which would be that she might have some sort of consciousness without probably ever being able to walk, etc. That would have been the tiniest, itsy bitsy chance of the best case scenario...really we were looking at her organs failing (which her liver had already started) and she would have instead had a slow painful death. The fact that she also started having seizures that Wednesday night was just another sign that things were sliding downhill and wouldn't come back up (since it's another sign of things failing her).

So we grimly made the decision to let her pass peacefully in our arms that Thursday, in the NICU surrounded by all the beeps and whirs that she was accustomed to. It wasn't easy and it will never be easy to remember, but it was the best choice to make for our little one...and beside isn't that what all parents try to do? make the best decisions for their children? So even though I don't have a baby girl to cuddle with, I'm still a mommy...and some will say that I always have been :)

Comforting Words from a friend

2008-02-27T19:48:00.000-08:00

There are no words to properly express the depth of love and loss that you have experienced. The journey you have traveled and shared with all of us has made Kaitlin a print on all of our hearts. You can be certain that her brief time with you will live on in the lives of all of us who know her story. May you find strength in each other, your families and the joy that Kaitlin is at peace without pain.

--------------------------------

Not to say that others haven't sent their own special messages and I do appreciate all of them but, this one is exactly what I am hoping for...that she will be remembered by all that knows her story and shared in her brief life :) Thank you Denise!

One Final Update

2008-02-22T06:57:00.001-08:00

Kaitlin passed away in mommy's and daddy's arms at 10:07pm last night. She lasted 1 hour without the ventilator and even stuck around long enough for Daddy to hold her too. She said her goodbyes and passed peacefully in no pain. Thank you all for your support through this situation. Kaitlin will help future preemies with similar problems by now teaching to doctors about what went wrong. Later she will be cremated and will stay with us until Jason and I find a family plot where she will be buried. Even though we are sad, we are also grateful for the time we had with her and know that this was the best choice for her. She will always be the special child in all of our hearts.

-Tiffanie and Jason

In Loving Memory of Kaitlin Terra Herne

More of an Update

2008-02-20T07:27:00.001-08:00

Kailtin has an infection, which is compromising everything in her little system. They need to get the infection out of her before they can even figure out how it go there to begin with. They think she is leaking bile into her blood somewhere. Its a pretty tough infection she has. ALso her liver is failing and they think other organs are to follow....She also can't keep platelets in her system. They transfuse her and she eats them up, they don't know exactly why...they think it might be the infection. Right now it's a waiting game. We need the infection to clear before they can think about doing anything else to her. The question is IF the infection clears. Because she has so many problems all at once that is why she has only a 20% chance.

Update

2008-02-19T19:41:00.001-08:00

I don't have much energy to type everything that is wrong out...but Kaitlin, today, got a 20% chance of living...she's not good and we are facing the reality that she might not pull through. Thank you all for your continued support...

(this is the e-mail I sent out but I know some of you aren't on the list)

KAILTIN!

2008-02-17T14:13:00.001-08:00

I'm ready for my close-up...wait maybe not...i'm blowing bubbles...hehehehe

Weekend Visit

2008-02-17T13:50:00.000-08:00

We just returned from our weekend with Miss Kaitlin :) This is her bed in the NICU:

She looks very tiny in that big bed :) Grandma D's blankets are now there so the next time they do a bed change they will have some home made soft crocheted blankets :) And it'll be purple!

She was stable this weekend which allowed us to do alittle more with her...so I got to touch her head and hold her hand...daddy held her hand too!

We did this pic with out a flash so thats why it isn't as nice as some of the others. They took her little glasses off so we could see her eyes, which she did open a little here and there :) Not much though since it seemed tough for her to do so.

Daddy's little girl :)
Holding daddy's BIG finger

What a little hand she has eh?

We also went to the mall and bought her a her first book...The Bakers Dozen of Dr. Seuss stories :) The first story we read was The Sneetches (by Daddy's request)

Grandma and Grandpa Dineen also visited!

Mommy took these pictures...and Mommy doesn't know how to use Daddy's camera...

Kailtin Update:
They noticed over the weekend that she was developing a air bubble under her skin...which on Sunday they needed to fix since it began causing issues with her breathing. She now has an extra tube coming from her tummyish area. When it stops leaking fluids and such they will take it out and hope that solves the problem and that she doesn't need more surgery. They think it could be coming from either her tummy or intestines where she had the first surgery, they won't reopen her unless they absolutely need to...we are hoping they don't.

Her incision from the first surgery is practically all healed, they don't even have it covered anymore.

Because her kidneys work fine they are capable of giving her fats and proteins along with IV fluids so it will help up her weight :) Yay!

Tomorrow the surgeon will make the call of whether or not she can be fed
(through her G-tube of course)

Heart murmur is moderate to severe but the surgery to correct that is done at her bedside, it's just a matter of closing off an artery, she will have a scar on her left side from it. Atleast this sounds like one of the least scary surgeries she might have...I really hope the air thing is just as easy...

Kaitlin is ONE week old!

2008-02-14T09:52:00.000-08:00

So she's made it a whole week and WHAT a week it has been for our baby :)

We haven't gotten any calls from the doc so that is a good sign. We have called a few times and found that she is stable, she is being taken back off the blood pressure medicine, her ventilator is still a little high but not as high as it could be, her color is coming back but slowly, we still don't know about the infection the first 24 hour blood test came back negative but another one is done at 48 hours and above all she is relatively stable.

On the phone now with the NICU: ventilator has been decreased a little bit, 48 our culture also came back negative so they took her off the antibiotics, still doesn't need any blood pressure medicine, is being blood transfused again (common with preemies), and hardly requiring morphine and sedatives :) :)

1-up

2008-02-14T09:49:00.000-08:00

Daddy was wearing this shirt the day Kaitlin was born...

So it was decided that Kaitlin's official logo, sign, etc...is the 1up. I don't think they make 1up onsies however so this might be difficult :)

Homemade things

2008-02-14T09:41:00.000-08:00

Being on bedrest has allowed me to make a few things for our little one :) So I did lots of plastic canvas...I made three books (which are pictured below) and I have started making blocks.

This is the first one I made, which I made before the pregnancy. It was from a pattern.

Daddy wanted a Mario Bros book for the little one ;)
SO when she calls fish cheep cheeps you will know why :)

This one is another one I made the pattern for. Thought it would be a great way to get a jump start on shapes and colors :)

Kaitlin Update

2008-02-12T16:43:00.000-08:00

This morning we got a call at 6:30 am, we were told that Kaitlin wasn't doing so well.

Over the night Kaitlin developed an infection of sorts, we won't know for another 24+ hours what it is. She is on antibiotics to try and start fighting it. So Jason and I decided we would take a trip up and see her, well so I could see her. Jason is sick so he can't visit her right now. Her coloring was terrible she isn't pretty pink right now, but the nurse told me that she looks better since her shift had started and the doc said her color was coming back from last night.

Her heart murmur is back :( The stress from the infection probably brought it back. However she doesn't see a need to address that issue right now, and that surgery probably won't be needed. They said that there is a chance that the murmur will close again later as she gets better.

Also while I was in visiting her the genetics person was there measuring her head and such to see what could be wrong with her...more so an explanation for everything that is wrong with her.
They made a guess that it is VATER association. Which is a nonrandom association of different birth defects. The different letters of VATER mark the different areas of the body:

V - Vertebral anomalies (she does have a vertabrea that are messed up but shouldn't effect her walking)
A - Anal atresia (not having a butt hole)
T - Tracheoesophageal fistula (this is the trachea connected to the esophagus)
E - Esophageal atresia (esophagus not connected)
R - Renal (Kidney) and/or radial anomalies (this she doesn't have)

This isn't genetic, so we shouldn't have any more kids with this problem. Also if she has kids she won't either. But we are waiting for blood works to confirm all of this. More on this when we know more....

In the meantime we get to bring her blankets from home :) Maybe I will bring up this one that Grandma Dineen cross stitched...but I'm afraid the white might be stained...

I do have some other crocheted ones that will probably go ;) I just have to wash them in Dreft.

Kaitlin wants to be like Mommy

2008-02-12T16:39:00.001-08:00

So it dawned on me I didn't know what her astrological sign was...it's MINE!

Aquarius

Your element: Air

Your ruling planets: Uranus

Symbol: The Water Bearer

Your stone: Amethyst

Life Pursuit: To understand life's mysteries

Vibration: High frequency

Aquarian's Secret Desire: To be unique and original

Description:
Those born under the sign of Aquarius not only march to a different drummer, they make up new music as they go along. They are 'mind oriented' individuals, whose thoughts never stop tick-tocking over. Because of their high focus on intellectual exploration, many inventors, eccentrics and highly original trailblazers are born under this sign. Their intense ability to live on many mental levels, holds both pain and pleasure for Aquarians. For example, in the American Hall of Fame there are more Aquarians than any other sign, yet statistics reveal that in mental institutions there are more Aquarians than any other sign too. Many extremes can surround this sign and these extremes can take them to both heaven and hell.

But in everyday terms, most Aquarians are extremely humanitarian and often involved in social programs that assist others. They can also be objective in judgment, for they never let their emotions get in the way (I must not be totally aquarian). Outgoing and amiable, Aquarians attract friends wherever they go and those whom Aquarians befriend have their unswerving loyalty.

Aquarians are the zodiac's most mysterious and unusual people - and no two are anything alike. Those born under this sign - ruled by innovative and non-conformist Uranus - march to the beat of their own drum. They see life in a different way. Others quite frequently think their habits and ideas are eccentric or crazy in some way, but it is this uniqueness that makes them so special. The Aquarian mind is extremely quick and they never seem to stop thinking (it is interesting to note that many born under this sign suffer from insomnia.) Aquarians usually have strong political, environmental or social beliefs. But whether it is a relationship, career or cause - Aquarians are happiest when they have "something" to believe in and nurture.

Wires and Tubs Explained

2008-02-11T16:14:00.001-08:00

As promised here is the explanation of what all those things coming out of our daughter are:

(it might be easier to see the numbers if you click on the image to see it bigger)

These are her cool shades to wear under the jaundice lights
That is the ventilator, it does more than just give o2 it also will force a breathe in if need be and it also suctions out any fluid in her lungs.
These monitor her heart beat making sure it stays nice and strong
She has two of these suction cup like things, they are to do something while they are taking her vitals, i don't remember exactly what it checks though
That is where her incision is from her first surgery
That is the g-tube, right now it stops air from accumulating in her tummy, in the future it will be how they start to feed her breast milk.
Holds a little gauze over the whole where her colostomy bag will be
This had has a central line type thing in it so they can easily draw blood. This is preferred over having to cut her heals each time they need some. There also is an IV line in this arm where they can give her medicine that can't be directly mixed with her other IV line.
This is her main IV, where most of her meds are feed in. She also is now on IV fluid to give her nutrition.
This just monitors the level of oxygen in her blood, it's the same as that finger thing they stick on adults (no needles involved)

Kailtin's continuing journey

2008-02-11T15:48:00.000-08:00

Before birth, sometime early in pregnancy Kaitline had something cause trauma to her brain. We aren't sure how or what caused it, neither are the docs. The abnormal part to all of this is that she is showing signs of this issue now and it usually isn't there until after birth (hers was there before birth) The issue: Leukomalacia which basically means--that there is a spot in her brain that is dead. The spot is in a small frontal portion of her brain. The issues that come along with this can range. The doc to me made it sound like it was small and that we shouldn't expect the worse but Jason got a different feel so we aren't sure what to expect. The minimum will be some developmental concerns that affect motor and/or intellectual abilities. On the other side of the coin we might be looking at cerebral palsy. Which from what I can gather on the internet means she could have spastic diplegia which could cause her some issues with walking, but she would still be able to walk. The worse case with the cerebral palsy could be quadriplegia which would render her arms and legs useless or difficult to use. So we are bracing ourselves for the worst but hoping for the best.

There is another issue with her brain however (poor girl I know) She has grade 2 bleeding on a part of her brain (which is common with preemies), however the location is the concern. It looked to the docs that she might be collecting spinal fluid above the bleed and if that is the case she will need surgery to fix it, however they are giving it time to see if it corrects itself. It's not emergent, the collection is happening slowly and will con't to do so, so they have time to wait. They say the surgery is unlikely. The are going to repeat an ultrasound in 14 days to see how the spot is doing.

SOME good news is that the hole in her heart didn't close after birth like it should have, BUT they caught it in time and corrected it with medicine (indocine)...if the medicine hadn't of worked she would have needed heart surgery, so that is one surgery she won't need to go through.

The doc did warn us that because she has so many surgeries, etc to be prepared that she will probably get an infection at some point which could cause a series of other problems...I do hope that that won't be the case.

She also has been taken off the dopamine, which was being used to stabilize her blood pressure. She also breathes room air most of the time, although she will keep her tube in until she is through all of her surgeries...

They are going to do genetic testing on her to see if all of her problems are related. It's a simple blood draw to do the testing so we gave the okay because some answer to all of this would be nice instead of hearing about how everything is unknown as to why...

Kaitlin will also be helping out future preemies, she is going to be a guinea pig for a new blood pressure cuff. Right now she has an internal monitor for her blood pressure but the company who made the internal thinks they now have an external that has the same accuracy, so they are going to check her both ways and compare. She already is used to having a cuff on twice a day so they are just going to work in the new cuff with her normal daily activities...

phew...enough for now :)

I know some of you mention coming to visit, as far as visiting Kaitlin i'm afraid only parents and grandparents are allowed in the NICU right now to see her. I don't know if that will change but they want to keep her quiet and sleeping as much as possible so she can heal more quickly.

WehadababyitsaGIRL!

2008-02-08T05:33:00.000-08:00

So our little princess was born on February 7th at 10:04ish. She weighed 2lbs 10oz. We don't know her official length yet. My water broke around 9:20 so it all happened REALLY fast. She came out squirming, pink and even cried a little which resulted in her breathing on her own :)

I was then taken to surgery where they attempted to repair my torn apart cervix from me ripping through my cerclage. In the end they only gave me one stitch...the rest was too thin to repair, which means I will need a cerclage next pregnancy but really we knew that anyways.

Jason got the bad news first about our little one first since I was still in surgery. She has a few "defects", although you wouldn't know by looking at her :) :) She has:

Esophageal atresia which means that her esophagus stopped growing at one point and isn't connected to her belly. Her trachea however is complete allowing her to breathe on her own. 1 out of 4,000 have this problem.

Duodenal atresia which means that the part that connects her belly to her small intestine was blocked somehow. This means that any air she breathed in just kept staying in her belly, this was the cause of her emergency surgery hours after she was born :( It happens to 1 in 10,00 babies born.

Imperforate Anus means in the simplest terms that she lacks a butt hole. 1 in 5000 births have this issue.

ALL of these problems have NOTHING to do with her being preemie. Also during the emergency surgery they discovered that her intestines weren't in the right place so they rearranged her guts and then gave her an appendectomy since it wasn't in the right place to begin with so she would have needed it out eventually.

HOURS after signing the baby's surgery papers we finally got word that she came through just fine. They fixed her intestines, did the appendectomy, put in the G-tube to vent out air in her tummy and it will later be used to feed her, put in a colostomy bag tube because they will fix the Imperforate Anus way later and opened up the blockage of her small intestine. They were going to put a central line for iv access but they decided the was under way to long to do that. She came through the surgery without loosing much blood so she didn't need a blood transfusion. We got to see her later that night.

More to come later...

29 WEEKS

2008-02-06T07:01:00.000-08:00

I never imagined when I was admitted to the hospital two days shy of 28 weeks, that I would be hitting 29 weeks...and fully dilated to boot! How much crazier can this pregnancy get!

Weight Chart:

27 weeks	14.41 inches	1.93 pound	36.6 cm	875 grams
28 weeks	14.80 inches	2.22 pounds	37.6 cm	1005 grams
29 weeks	15.2 inches	2.54 pounds	38.6 cm	1153 grams
30 weeks	15.71 inches	2.91 pounds	39.9 cm	1319 grams

When you are 29 weeks pregnant, your baby has also learned to use its brain to control primitive breathing. This means that if your baby is born now, he or she could probably breathe independently. He or she is also a lot better at controlling body temperature at this point in your pregnancy.

Random Comics

2008-02-05T18:18:00.001-08:00

I've been putting comics up, but who knows when I will deliver at this point so here's a whole bunch. Click on them to see bigger versions.

First one is for you mom ;)

Important Notice

2008-02-05T11:36:00.000-08:00

I get to eat solid food now!!

What a journey

2008-02-04T13:20:00.000-08:00

So on the first I was required to move rooms, but it was short lived as I started getting contractions. They checked me out and found that I was 5 cm dilated. I was immediately moved to L & D. On L & D I was in pain for most of the day/night, my contractions at one point slowed down after I became dilated and we caught a little sleep. Then they woke me up becoming more intense and faster...they ended up checking me but the baby's head just won't engage because she is to small and I have too much fluid. Instead they found that my full bladder was causing the contractions. They emptied it for me and it was like instant relief. We slept for most of the following day and into the night...we are now here. Today is the first day I am allowed to eat something other than jello and italian ices. I still get contractions but they are few and far between and not as painful.

It's now a waiting game, either my water breaks or her head gets low enough for it to be safe for them to break my water, i'm guessing they are hoping my water breaks. They will keep me like that until they have a reason to not, which means I am still here...waiting...I do get to sit up in bed now though :)

Things they don't tell you about being in labor: you have NO control over your bladder so sometimes contractions = peeing :(

Tidbits:
-Crackers were the first solid food I have consumed in three days.
-Pooping in a bed pan, NOT something I want to repeat...
-Getting your hair washed after 5 days is a WONDERFUL feeling
-They antibiotics they have me on makes my pee smell...which gags me...
-I've went through two IV's...mine seems to leak...
-All nurses hands are cold!

Happy Birthday Indeed

2008-01-31T09:58:00.000-08:00

So lets recap the previous days events:

Monday I went in for a routine appointment/ultrasound. During the ultrasound we discovered I went from 1.3 to no cervix left. So I was immediately admitted to the hospital. My doc came in and checked me out, I was 2 cm dilated and my amniotic sac was bulging through the opening. There was a lengthy discussion about whether or not to keep or send my to Syracuse. My doc talked to her uncle who deals with cases like mine more often, who then talked to the NICU doc at Wilson, who then called and talked to the NICU doc at the hospital in Syracuse. In the end they decided the best course of action was to send me to Syracuse. The deciding factor was the fact that the baby was only 27 weeks and 5 days old, Wilson only takes 28 weekers+, so they thought that Syracuse would be the better place for me to be. I was immediately then put on Magnesium again (oh yay!) and prepared for shipment.

The ambulance ride was interesting...I ALMOST made it without puking :(

At the hospital I obviously needed to con't the mag treatment as they wanted to get me to 28 weeks. This time the mag made me SUPER sick. I couldn't keep food down...(I'm SO sorry mom that when you were sick while carrying me I made you bring up cold milk...your right it's NOT fun). I was starving but everything I ate came right back up, except for jello...how much jello do you have to eat to feel full? Try it next time you are starving...lol.

I also froze the nurses and Jason in my room since I was DYING of heat, so I had them turn the furnace down low...Jason spent most of his time with his coat on.

Yesterday morning they stopped the mag. I was then moved down a floor to the Antitpartum of this place. This is where i will remain until I deliver, so yay for spending your birthdayin the hospital :(

They did another ultrasound and found that her heart has NO fluid around it, so all those possible defects from the two vessel cord are no more. We also have a few more ultrasound pics.

Other issues, this place is absurd when it comes to "extras". Cable we have to pay $5 a day for, phone another $4. Parking is $12 per day, $35 per week or $70 per month. The cafeteria chargers per pound for a lot of their food...it's just ridiculous. So we are trying to NOT have the extras and deal for now...

Hopefully as much as it sucks we will be here for a little while longer :) Our little one is also finally 28 weeks...which means that she has a GREAT chance of not having any long term disability. She will have to spend time in the NICU however, but we can deal with that :)

Outfit

2008-01-27T18:45:00.000-08:00

I *think* this might be the bring my baby home outfit :) I am STUCK on purple so it's been a hunt and the fact that I can't get out and shop makes me even more limited, but thank goodness for EBAY! Let me know what you think by posting a comment :)

The purple sleeper in this picture is on its way to me :)
as is this beautiful purple blanket to wrap her up in :)

I have a purple hat already and plenty of onsies to pick from...so I think i'm done :)
I need to SEE the sleeper and blanket first though, hopefully they will get to me soon!

Weight Chart

2008-01-27T13:05:00.000-08:00

26 weeks	14.02 inches	1.68 pound	35.6 cm	760 grams
27 weeks	14.41 inches	1.93 pound	36.6 cm	875 grams
28 weeks	14.80 inches	2.22 pounds	37.6 cm	1005 grams
29 weeks	15.2 inches	2.54 pounds	38.6 cm	1153 grams
30 weeks	15.71 inches	2.91 pounds	39.9 cm	1319 grams
31 weeks	16.18 inches	3.31 pounds	41.1 cm	1502 grams
32 weeks	16.69 inches	3.75 pounds	42.4 cm	1702 grams
33 weeks	17.20 inches	4.23 pounds	43.7 cm	1918 grams
34 weeks	17.72 inches	4.73 pounds	45 cm	2146 grams
35 weeks	18.19 inches	5.25 pounds	46.2 cm	2383 grams
36 weeks	18.66 inches	5.78 pounds	47.4 cm	2622 grams
37 weeks	19.13 inches	6.30 pounds	48.6 cm	2859 grams
38 weeks	19.61 inches	6.80 pounds	49.8 cm	3083 grams
39 weeks	19.96 inches	7.25 pounds	50.7 cm	3288 grams
40 weeks	20.16 inches	7.63 pounds	51.2 cm	3462 grams
41 weeks	20.35 inches	7.93 pounds	51.7 cm	3597 grams
42 weeks	20.28 inches	8.12 pounds	51.5 cm	3685 grams
43 weeks	20.20 inches	8.19 pounds	51.3 cm	3717 grams

The above chart has the estimated weights of little ones as they grow in the womb. Since our little one is just above the mark I thought it would be cool to follow this chart as her weight chart :) She was 1lb 12oz at 26 weeks so she was 1.75lbs...which is just above the 1.68 they have :) So even though Mommy lost another 2 lb she is growing steadily..yay!

2008-01-27T12:10:00.000-08:00

My little one HAS to feel like this at times :) LOL

2008-01-26T08:23:00.001-08:00

I'm thinking why didn't I ever do this to Travis?

Good no Grrrrrrreeeeaaaaaatttt News

2008-01-23T12:48:00.000-08:00

So even if you don't get to go home tomorrow due to contractions we did get GREAT news today.

My cervix is still 1.3...which means it didn't change...which is excellent news.
The fluid went down from 30 to 25. 25 is considered normal, just bordering on getting to high..

It's 4ish and I had a few contractions because I had to pee but other than that i'm clean :) I just have to try and stay that way :)

Update

2008-01-23T06:14:00.000-08:00

I just realized that I didn't do one of those update posts after I sent out the last e-mail...so here goes:

I asked the doc about going home on Monday, which I thought would result in a no but has left us waiting for test results...if they are good we are going home. So we are hoping for a long cervix this morning and less fluid. We will take the same numbers for each if we must. If those are looking good we are then going to go of the Magnesium and see if I don't have any contractions. So we are hoping today I am taken off Mag.

We did have an interesting IV incident. I moved to grab something and felt a snag. I turned back around and my IV had come undone! The tubbing had separated and I was loosing IV fluids from one side and blood out of the other. I capped the tube and then called the nurse, I also proceeded to yell at Jason to find the other end since it was spilling all over my pillow. The nurses had never seen an IV split like mine did, which makes me another rare case...lol. It was a strange occurrence I have to say and it's a good thing i'm not squeamish around blood, since mine was every where...the nurses also didn't come racing down here...they did however race when they saw the blood...

They have me on the GD diet, which sucks, they have me eating only 15 carbs first meal, which means that I can't eat two pieces of toast or milk and toast...so I eat eggs, which has gotten really old quick! I do get to eat 30 carbs later as a snack, which is maybe a bowl of cereal or two toasts. FINALLY at lunch I get to eat 60 carbs, which means I can actually begin to feel full. They did eventually bump my morning carbs up to 30 so I could do two pieces of toast...that definitely helps.

I think that is everything :)

27 weeks!

2008-01-23T06:07:00.000-08:00

One week to go to hit 28 weeks :) Which is not optimal but I would take it if we have to :)

Here's whats going on with her this week:

How your baby's growing:

This week your baby weighs almost 2 pounds (like a head of cauliflower) and is about 14.4 inches long with her legs extended. She can now open and close her eyes, and she sleeps and wakes at regular intervals.* She may suck her fingers, and although her lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with assistance — if she were to be born prematurely. Chalk up any rhythmic movement you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments, and isn't bothersome to her, so enjoy the tickle. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. Wonder what she's thinking?

*This is not a good sign then...as she likes to keep my awake at night with kick boxing...

2008-01-22T15:10:00.001-08:00

It's okay for me to cry :) So....
"It's my pregnancy and i'll cry if I want to
cry if I want to
you would cry too if this were you!
Nananananah"

Strep B

2008-01-22T14:49:00.000-08:00

My test did come back positive ... so I have strep b which isn't a huge deal. It means that I have to be antibiotics during delivery and the baby will probably be put on antibiotics as soon as she is born. This will just ensure no problems...here is what I found on the inet in case your interested:

The Science Behind Group B Strep. Group B Strep or GBS is a bacteria commonly found in the bowel, vagina and bladder. Usually it causes no symptoms at all, and people that carry these bacteria generally do so on a temporary basis.

Most women if tested consistently would probably come up positive as a carrier of Group B Strep or GBS at one point or another during their life. The only time Group B Strep is typically problematic is during pregnancy.

In rare cases Group B Strep or GBS may cause bladder or womb infections in a pregnant mother. It can infect the fetus before or during the birth process, though infection is rare.

Babies infected with Group B Strep or GBS may go on to develop pneumonia or even meningitis. Others may have long term problems such as hearing or vision loss during their lifetime.

In some infants Group B Strep or GBS doesn't develop until a week or more after delivery. This is an even more rare occurrence however than infection and detection immediately following delivery.

Routine Testing
Most women who test positive for Group B Strep or GBS will be treated during labor with an antibiotic such as penicillin. A positive culture does not mean a baby will become ill. It simply indicates that the mother is a carrier for Group B Strep.

Treatment with antibiotics is usually administered in the following situations:

Mother experiences preterm labor, defined as labor occurring before 37 weeks gestation.
Fetal membranes are prematurely ruptured which may increase the risk that GBS will travel up through the cervix.
Mother exhibits fever during labor.
Mother gave birth to child with previous GBS infection.

Treating women for Group B Strep or GBS does not necessarily remove the bacteria from the woman's system but may help prevent infection of the newborn infant.

Most physicians will give antibiotics to all women who haven't had a culture prior to labor or whose results aren't available when labor commences.

Your doctor will typically have the results of your GBS test available within 24-48 hours of testing. If you have any additional concerns about GBS, it is important you consult with your physician so you go into labor armed with information and knowledge rather than fear.

Remember that infection in babies with Group B Strep or GBS is very rare. Your chances of delivery of a healthy baby even if diagnosed positive are very good.

THANK YOU!

2008-01-20T14:22:00.000-08:00

Merci et/y Gracias!

I love them :) I make sure Jason waters them everyday :)

See what my girls at the school gave to me :)

Meet Ivan

2008-01-20T14:16:00.001-08:00

Meet my friend Ivan :) Yes i'm that crazy!

Flustrated

2008-01-20T14:05:00.000-08:00

So seriously, why is sit that here I am lying in the damn hospital and it seems that some people don't think anything about it? TWICE now have I had visitors that completely disregard MY place and insensitively invite Jason to go out to eat with them. And in BOTH cases to favorite restaurants of mine. I understand my husband may be under lots of stress and that yes it sucks for him too, but really don't come here and invited him out to eat and ask ME if i'm going to be mad, just assume the answer is yes. I'm stuck eating crap 3x a day and now it's limited crap, I do not want you to come in and invite dear hubby out for yummy meals while I eat me crap alone. So DON'T DO IT.

3D BABY PICS!

2008-01-19T16:41:00.000-08:00

She looks like we are making a mud baby :) She didn't stay that still for the tech so the pics aren't the clearest but they are still neat and you can see her little nose and stuff ;)

And for those of you counting this is like ultrasound 1,033,565,655 ;)

The Name Game

2008-01-18T08:55:00.000-08:00

So we are trying to decide the spelling, and we aren't any closer to agreeing on anything so here are just some things about the her name:

What is means:
Caitlin: "Pure, Beautiful" ( Irish Name )
Tara: means lots of things but my fav is "earth" (Latin Origin)

Alternate Spellings:

Caitlin has 32 variant forms: Kaitlin, Caitlyn, Katelyn, Kaitlan, Kaitleen, Kaitlyn, Kaitlynn, Kaitlynne, Katelyn, Katelynn, Katelynne, Caitilin, Caitlan, Caitland, Caitlann, Caitlinn, Caitlynn, Catelan, Cateline, Catelinn, Catelyn, Catelynn, Catlin, Catline, Kaitlan, Kaitlann, Kaitlin, Kaitlinn, Kaitlyn, Kaitlynn, Katelan, and Katelin

Tara has 11 variant forms: Tarah, Taralyn, Taralynn, Tarra ,Tarrah , Terra, Tera, Terah, Terrah, Tiera and Tierra.

How common are the spellings of Caitlin?

2008-01-18T08:46:00.001-08:00

Most definitely how i feel as of recent....

Convo with Daddy

2008-01-18T08:40:00.000-08:00

jjaassonh (10:25:32 AM): Caitlin - ok
jjaassonh (10:25:37 AM): Kaitlin - ok
jjaassonh (10:25:46 AM): Katelyn - if we must
jjaassonh (10:25:51 AM): Kaitlyn - ok
tikkaniemd (10:25:57 AM): katelynn
jjaassonh (10:25:58 AM): Kaytlyn - no :-(
jjaassonh (10:26:05 AM): katelynn - no :-(
tikkaniemd (10:26:07 AM): where is this coming from?
tikkaniemd (10:26:43 AM): see we have a problem, I hate theones you like and vice versa
jjaassonh (10:26:52 AM): My preference is as follows: Kaitlin, Caitlin, Kaitlyn, Katelyn
tikkaniemd (10:27:35 AM): and MINE is Katelynn, Katelyn, Kaytlyn, Kaitlyn, Kaitlin, Cailtlin
tikkaniemd (10:28:06 AM): lol
tikkaniemd (10:28:11 AM): we have issues
tikkaniemd (10:28:32 AM): aren't you supposed to be working ;-)
jjaassonh (10:29:11 AM): Kaitlyn then.
jjaassonh (10:29:26 AM): Its 3rd on yours and 4th on mine :-)
tikkaniemd (10:29:32 AM): no :-(
jjaassonh (10:29:38 AM): Its a comprimise.
tikkaniemd (10:29:43 AM): I don't like that one
tikkaniemd (10:30:08 AM): it's 4th on mine
tikkaniemd (10:30:20 AM): brb
tikkaniemd (10:39:20 AM): Kaitlin has 14 variant forms: Caitlin, Caitlyn, Katelyn, Kaitlan, Kaitleen, Kaitlyn, Kaitlynn, Kaitlynne, Katelyn, Katelynn, Katelynne, Kathlin, Kathlinne and Kathlyn.
tikkaniemd (10:42:39 AM): i like Kaitlan Kaitlynne Katelynne
jjaassonh (10:43:33 AM): I hate all 3 of those.
tikkaniemd (10:43:39 AM): lol
jjaassonh (10:44:14 AM): Caitlin, Caitlyn, Katelyn, Kaitlyn,
tikkaniemd (10:44:36 AM): my god...think out side the box a little ;-)
jjaassonh (10:45:12 AM): Fine... kcaiytlaiyn.
tikkaniemd (10:45:19 AM): i love it!
jjaassonh (10:45:42 AM): Good. Its settled then.

I'm not sure that we are EVER going to narrow down a spelling...maybe it should be the one that isn't passed out when she is born that decides ;)

Omen?

2008-01-16T17:27:00.000-08:00

I decided after a fairly meger meal that I wanted a sherbet ice cream for desert....

Perhaps it's an omen of good things to come?

Another Day

2008-01-16T13:49:00.000-08:00

Well we are now at 26 weeks, which is good. Which also means it ups the survival rate:

21 weeks or less: 0% survival rate

22 weeks: 0-10% survival rate

23 weeks: 10-35% survival rate

24 weeks: 40-70% survival rate

25 weeks: 50-80% survival rate

26 weeks: 80-90% survival rate <------ Where we are

27 weeks: greater than 90% survival rate

The detailed ultrasound told us that she is in the 50th-90th percentile, she is 1lb 12oz and that I am at 25 weeks gestation, but they say that if the ultrasound finds you to be within 1-2 weeks or your estimated gestation that you are good, so no worries there.

This morning I was put on Mangesium Sulfate (again), to stop any possible contractions because my cervix is till thinning. This drug is not fun to be on FYI, since it makes you very icky feeling and you have to record your pee while trying to manage to not drop four cords in the toilet.

Talked to a Diabetic Specialist today. He doesn't feel the need to pick my finger anymore, he wants me to maintain my GD diet though, but thats not a huge deal. He will be repeating the three hour sugar test on Feb 4th. If it comes back negative then we will do it again three weeks after that, I'm not sure where we will go after that point. He did say that extra fluid in the uterus is only caused by diabetes 20% of the time, so it still could be an enigma.

We are hoping for the results of the heart test today...

100 Day Countdown

2008-01-15T05:01:00.000-08:00

So when I originally set this all (blog, calendar, etc) I marked the 100 day countdown to 40 weeks. I wanted to have a party to mark this day. I really wanted to celebrate...I guess I can't since i'm cooped up in the ole hospital and on bedrest which doesn't make for great partying...just thought I should atleast post to mark the day... :\

Monday Night

2008-01-15T04:51:00.000-08:00

So not only did we get peppered with MORE bad news on Monday, Monday night also brought more trouble.

I apparently started contracting, and they were coming minutes apart....it started with one nurse but there were only a few so she didn't worry about it, then the second nurse came one and when she put me on the monitor she found I was contracting more and more. So the doc was called and she gave me a shot of Brethine. Which Brethine is another one of those drugs (like Indocin) that isn't for contractions but it works on them. Brethine is an asthma medicine that helps relax "soft muscle" in your body...which your lungs and uterus have both. The contractions ceased shortly after the shot and we made it through the night with no hitch.

The shot did make me feel really shaky though, but thats a side effect that was expected.

Today I now wait for the cardiogram which won't be until atleast noon :(

Another Round of :(

2008-01-14T16:07:00.000-08:00

We had our second detailed ultrasound today...which ended with us only getting a picture of her feet, but my girl has definitely been a stubborn one!

It also ended with ANOTHER round of bad news...
It was found that I only have two vessels in the umbilical cord which is called Single Umbilical Artery. This is another one of those 1 in 100 cases...so we now have hit TWO of them...One cause that could do with me is the fact that I could have been diabetic before getting prego, which can cause this problem, which lead my doc to check my sugar level once again. I had some blood drawn (which at the time I didn't know why...lol...someone just showed up and said "Hi i'm here to take a tube of blood...and I was like huh? lol I called my nurse to find out why...) It also means that I am back to getting my finger picked...just a couple of times for now though.

Tomorrow morning I am going for a Fetal Echo Cardiograph to see how her heart is functioning, since the two vessel coupled with the excessive fluid in my uterus can be a sign of heart issues. I guess it can be a sign of kidney issues to but they find her kidneys to be fine.

I am back on Indocin for a few days, this is to take down my fluid level in my uterus. However the indocin can cause the tiny hole in the baby's heart to close (patent ductus arteriosus). So after 48 of going on the drug they are going to repeat the cardiogram or do an ultrasound (I'm not sure I remember what they said for sure).

They also are going to do another ultrasound to check my cervix before i can even think of leaving. So this puts us in the hospital until Thursday at the least, but i'm guessing I will be here until Monday of next week :(

25 weeks 2 days

2008-01-11T06:47:00.000-08:00

Here is what is developing this week :

The structure of the spine begins to form
Taste buds are forming
The vagina has hollowed out
The hands are fully developed -- fingerprints and all!
The blood vessels of the lungs are developing
The nostrils are beginning to open.

Uterus is not the size of a Volleyball.

Note: My belly button is not as deep as it once was.....

Note 2: They are doing a detailed ultrasound on Monday :) We will know the baby's weight again :)

21 weeks or less: 0% survival rate

22 weeks: 0-10% survival rate

23 weeks: 10-35% survival rate

24 weeks: 40-70% survival rate

25 weeks: 50-80% survival rate <------ Where we are

26 weeks: 80-90% survival rate

27 weeks: greater than 90% survival rate

Gestational Diabetes

2008-01-08T12:43:00.000-08:00

I'm in the clear..I can eat what I want again!! Yay!!

Took the one hour test and failed it...
Had my fingers pokes for four days four times a day...did well
Took the three hour test and passed it...

No more pokes for me :)

BTW: Whoever thought that having a pregnant lady wait until 11:15 in the morning to eat for the first time was a good idea...well I just suggest they don't tell who they really are or they might find themselves being trampled by 100s of pregnant peoples on their way to food!

(Tomorrow is WEEK 25!)

24 weeks

2008-01-07T15:10:00.000-08:00

Just thought I would post a pic of the baby at 24 weeks. I'm hoping to sweet talk the techs into a 3d ultrasound since I just found out they do them here :)

However she won't have much of her baby fat yet, and she is still covered in tiny hair, but her facial features are supposed to be almost to completely formed by now :) Also according to the inet she should be roughly a foot long and over a pound.

Survival Rates

2008-01-05T08:10:00.000-08:00

21 weeks or less: 0% survival rate

22 weeks: 0-10% survival rate

23 weeks: 10-35% survival rate

24 weeks: 40-70% survival rate <------ Where we are

25 weeks: 50-80% survival rate

26 weeks: 80-90% survival rate

27 weeks: greater than 90% survival rate

About the disabilities:

Physicians cannot predict long-term complications of prematurity and some consequences may not become evident until the child is school--aged. Minor disabilities like learning problems, poor coordination, or short attention span may be the result of premature birth, but can be overcome with early intervention. The risks of serious long term complications depend on many factors including how premature the infant was at birth, weight at birth, and the presence or absence of breathing problems. The development of infection or the presence of a birth defect can also effect long term prognosis. Severe disabilities like brain damage, blindness, and chronic lung problems are possible and may require ongoing care.

Side Note

2008-01-05T06:07:00.000-08:00

It Katelynn is born this month...which we hope she won't be, BUT if she is it will be three FEMALE generations all born in January in my side of the family...and my grandmother only missed January by a week or it would have been four!

What do you think of that little fact mom ;)

Update

2008-01-05T05:28:00.000-08:00

Thought I would give another update, since really I have nothing more to do in the hospital.

Last night we had some visitors. Barry, Zach, Sarah and Darlene came for a short visit. They stole Jason to go out and eat at Friendly's of all places (my favorite) which I wasn't to happy about, but at least a friend came by from my job at school last year, Jessica. I would have been in a much worse mood had I been left alone. Jess stayed for a long time while asking me a million preggers questions ;) Which I didn't mind, since I almost kind of feel like an expert at this point :) lol.

So this morning i did some hunting to try and explain a little more about what we are dealing with so lets see if these pictures make sense to you :)

These are pictures of a normal cervix in diagram form and on an ultrasound. The second set of pictures shows one with a shortening and funneling cervix. This is kind of what mine looks like on ultrasound.

The cerclage is placed like what you see below. You can see the same sort of lips on the diagram pictures above to see how it works and where it is placed.

Then this picture is kind of for fun :) this is the camera they use to check my cervix. You can use your imagination for the kinds of names we call it :)

2008-01-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

Thought with all the gloom we needed a laugh..

Another Update

2008-01-04T08:25:00.000-08:00

I have to say this is really beginning to take the excitement out of being pregnant :(

Had another ultrasound today I'm down to 1.3 cm of cervix left. On Wednesday I had 1.7 cm. My doc wants to send me to Syracuse but they won't take me until i'm showing more signs of preterm labor, so i'm still here at Wilson. On Monday if I'm still here they are going to do another ultrasound and if i'ms till around 1.3 they will more than likely send me home where I will then be given an ultrasound every Monday to see whats going on. In the meantime if I get any cramping, bleeding or anything else that can send me into labor I will be rushed to Syracuse.

I think it is also official now that I have gestational diabetes. They are having me talk to a diabetes counselor sometime today and I will be doing the 3 hours glucose test when the steroids they shot into me are out of my system.

Grumble...

Cute thing is that on this morning's ultrasound Katelyn had the hiccups...which was cute to see and we are getting a TON of ultrasound pics :) :) She also has flipped so her feet are now digging into my cervix and not her fat head...lol

Where to begin??

2008-01-03T07:21:00.000-08:00

On December 26th I had another ultrasound which found that my cervix was 1.7. They sent me from the ultrasound to the docs office, which ended in them performing a test on me to see if I was destined to go into labor in the next two weeks (fetal fibronectin). The test came back negative which is 95% accurate, so I was sent home on even more strict bedrest! Only can get up to pee and to shower (then only can shower every other day).

Next appointment was on January 2nd, with my normal doc. She is concerned about the shortening and is worried that I might be headed towards preterm labor SO she admitted me in the hospital directly from my appointment (do not pass go, do not collect $200)...she sent me for an ultrasound to measure my cervix and then it will be measured again on Friday to see if it has changed. I'm guessing that if it does they will be sending me to Syracuse because I guess they have better care there for these kinds of cases and the baby would have a better chance at survival if she is born before 28 weeks there.

She is also worried about my blood pressure, which we think in the end it's just going to be the machines in that office and not a really big problem.

So i'm in the hospital once again...I will be here hopefully only until Friday but there is a chance I will be here longer. While here I also have had a sugar test and my first of two steroid shots (betamethasone). The steriods will help mature the baby's lungs just in case she is born early.

I think from now on out it will be weekly ultrasounds, but i'm not complaining :)

What a pregnancy....

Routine Doc Appointment

2007-12-22T16:55:00.000-08:00

So we had our routine friday appointment yesterday. It wasn't with out normal doc as she was out but the nurse practioner was sweet to work with.
They found that I had "ketones" in my urine. Which apparently means that i'm using fat cells instead of consuming enough calories. I did read however that it ALSO could mean that I have gestational diabetes. SO we'll see where this brings us, however I expected to get GD.
They also found that blood pressure is still sor tof borderline and was told that I should cut back on salt, which i'm having trouble with since I don't eat alot of high salt foods to begin with...and I need to have quick easy type food for lunch and Jason isn't that much of a gourmet yet ;)
My belly was measured at 25 cm which has grown again from last week :)
Everything else is good. I will see the same Nurse probably again next friday.

My next ultrasound is the day after Christmas, which mom gets to go to :) I'm so excited :) I'm also really curious is all this laying around has lengthened my cervix....lets hope. I read anything over 2 is good :)

2007-12-19T16:51:00.000-08:00

Please someone make me this shirt!! :)
Bonus of being on bedrest is that it stops all those uncomfortable moments
of people sticking their hands on me.....a tiny bit a bliss...

More Baby Things

2007-12-19T12:03:00.000-08:00

So before all this craziness I put in an order with Walmart for some more baby things. I bought a play mat for our little one :) Although it was misrepresented it's still super cute and very bright for baby's development :) I don't have a picture of that. I do have one of Nybbles trying out the new baby bath tub. Which is posted above :) I also found a crib sheet that has the SAME little animals as the fabric I bought for the baby crib set I made :) I also got to buy matching receiving blankets!! Since i'm bed ridden I will be doing more shopping online :)

The Cerclage

2007-12-14T11:32:00.000-08:00

So my surgery went okay it was the after the surgery that didn't go okay.

-Got there at 9:30
-Declothed and was okayed for surgery around 10ish
-Baby's heart rate was checked
-Anesthesiologist came to explain how I will be put to sleep
-Doc came to explain procedure to me
-Wheeled off to surgery around 11
-Came out of surgery I think around 11:30

...then it all went down hill...

-Wheeled into the recovery room
-As I was coming to the doc told me everything went well
-He left and the cramping began
-Nurse gave me a pain killer -- did NOTHING
-Told nurse the pain was getting worse
-She gave me a shot that was supposed to stop contractions -- did NOTHING
-She then gave me another shot that stung like h*ll! -- did NOTHING
-Doc came back...sent me to Labor and Delivery

...in Labor and Delivery...

-Jason met me in the hall to follow me up to L & D
-They started a magnesium treatment to help stop the contractions
-It helped, but it made me feel a little spacey...apparently my brother called and I don't remember this at all!
-As the contractions slowed and stopped I got the news that I would have to use a bed pan...
-They con't the magnesium through the night and stopped it the next morning
-They drew blood to make sure my blood wasn't toxic from the magnesium treatment...they drew it from the side of my arm which left a black and blue mark...
-My doc kept me an extra night just to be sure everything had quieted down

...The day I came home...

-Asked doc to do an ultrasound to see if things were okay
-My cervix lengthened to 3.9 cm :)
-It took forever for them to release me...but finally we made it home I think around 1ish

We won't mention the room mate i had the second night! Lets just say it was our tax money hard at work :\

--Home now on bed rest--

Ultrasound #3

2007-12-09T09:29:00.000-08:00

:) and many :(

2007-12-09T08:03:00.000-08:00

So my appointment Friday didn't go so well
We did find out we are having a little girl! = :)

First the doc took my blood pressure twice, it came out high twice...133/190. So she told me to nap more during the day and that she would be seeing me every two weeks to monitor me.. = :(

Then we also found out that my cervix is down to 1.9 cm (supposed to be 3 or more). Which they said means I have incompetent cervix = :(
Because of this...
I was put on strict bedrest from the end of appointment until monday, they also have me on drugs to stop any possible contractions. = :(
On monday I will be going into surgery for a cerclage, where they will stich my cervix shut. = :(

After that I think the plan is more bedrest... I'm lucky that hopefully they caught it in time, but i'm still freaking out. I'm not used to having Jason take care of me...i'm not allowed to get up from a laying down position for anything besides having to pee.

It also means no traveling so we won't be going anywhere for Christmas, which sucks since this was our last xmas going north for actual christmas....but hopefully next year we have a little one here to unwrap christmas morning presents with = :)

2007-12-05T10:55:00.001-08:00

2007-12-05T10:54:00.001-08:00

20 weeks!! (1/2 way)

2007-12-05T10:39:00.000-08:00

FINALLY half way point :) It's all downhill from here right? Lol.

So according to the reading that i've been doing. The baby should be 1/2 of it's birth length but only 9-11 ounces...it will increase in weight in the coming weeks rapidly.

Being that i'm overweight to begin with I miss out on all the changes that a skinnier person might see so the whole my belly getting bigger thing, I just feel bloated like and not really bigger. I do think I have officially lost any curve I had in my waist, so I am growing.

My pregnancy jeans have become my normal jeans, just because they are comfier. I do have lots of maternity clothes now thanks to ebay :) Some are snug looking since it's hard to buy loose fitting when you are my size...apparently we aren't allowed to wear some loosely. But I will make due. Some of the clothes I think will fit me better AFTER the baby is born, lol...something to look forward to :)

Nothing beyond this to report. We have an appointment on Friday. I'm not getting my hopes up about finding out the sex since the baby could not cooperate or they could not get a clear pic. So i'm just going to wait and see. If we don't find out I know we will eventually. I really feel like it's a boy though SO my bets are on a boy at this point.

This pic best shows whats going on right now...and why pregnant woman pee all the time!

Baby Clothing

2007-12-03T11:42:00.001-08:00

Thus far I have bought all sorts of cute little outfits. Some in green, blue, and few in yellow. Ebay has been awesome to get great clothes cheap! Like this cute little snow suit that will probably be apart of the babies coming home outfit...since it will be born in April and probably a little cool. THis will keep the little one warm in the car seat :)

I went today to see what Kmart had on sale and I found onsies for $1 each! And they are organic just for you dad!

2007-11-23T17:30:00.000-08:00

BELLY PICS!

2007-11-23T17:05:00.000-08:00

So I hate my picture being taken, but I will concede for my unborn child :)
Belly pics will show in a slide show on the side bar which the link to the gallery will also always be displayed. However I also will put the link here in this message :) There are only two and I barely grew so don't wet yourself when you see them ;) lol.

Belly Pictures

Another Doc Appointment

2007-11-16T15:29:00.000-08:00

Alrighty this was your standard check up. I lost 1 pound according to their scales, so they advised me to eat 5 small meals a day instead of 3 big ones.

Baby's heartbeat is 151.

Blood pressure looking good.

My belly grew a *little* bit nothing major. I'm still not showing. I'm just large enough to not fit in normal pants...:( I had to say goodbye to nice looking pants and hello to maternity jeans...lol!

Thats all there is to report.

Next appoint is accompanied by an ultrasound on Decemeber 7th at 8:30 am....

2007-11-15T08:00:00.001-08:00

Week 16!

2007-11-07T13:44:00.001-08:00

I wonder how some doc got such good pictures of a baby...and why they can't do it for everyone?

WEEK 16 INFO: At this point of your pregnancy, your baby is approximately 4.3 to 4.6 inches long and weighs 2.8 ounces. Not only is your baby growing, your uterus and placenta continue to grow to accomodate the growing baby inside of you! Just six weeks ago, your uterus weighed about 5 ounces. This week it now weighs 8.75 ounces! The amniotic fluid that surrounds the baby is increasing and there is about 7.5 ounces of fluid. You will easily be able to feel your uterus approximately three inches below your navel.

As far as i'm feeling...i'm not so tired. I find that there are times I take a bite of something and know that I can't con't to eat it...so I have to go find something else. I also find it's really hard for me to eat anything...i have no appetite. I look in the fridge starving and can't find anything to eat :( Hopefully this passes quickly. Next docs appointment will be next friday.

2007-10-29T16:25:00.001-07:00

Size of the Baby

2007-10-29T08:25:00.001-07:00

This is the size of our baby!! It's the same size as the dolls i'm collecting :) Hehehehe!

Doc #2

2007-10-26T07:28:00.000-07:00

Today all we did was weigh in, check my blood sugar, blood pressure, measured my belly, and we got to HEAR the heart beat! It was a little weird to hear a heart beat from my lower abdomen but it was cool too :) Baby's heartbeat is 158.

In three weeks we go again, and then they are going to schedule us for a ultrasound so we can see organs and the baby's sex :) So hopefully before December we will know the sex. It probably won't happen before Thanksgiving.

Changing Table

2007-10-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

We don't have the room to have a changing table so instead I made a changing station on top of the new baby dresser. I think this is the tail end of things I need to make for the baby :)

Second Trimester!

2007-10-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

Finally we have entered the second trimester...

This is was to expect this trimester:

The fetus is growing rapidly. At the beginning of the second trimester, the fetus is about six inches long. By the end of month six, the fetus resembles a small infant, except for its reddish, wrinkled skin. It will be 12 inches long at the end of the second trimester.

You may feel the baby moving (sometimes called "quickening") in month five. This may not be more then an infrequent fluttering feeling until month six. The fetus is protected by the amniotic sac and floating in amniotic fluid. There is still a lot of room for the baby to move.

You may notice that you have more energy. You will begin to gain weight this trimester. You should expect to gain about 25 to 35 pounds if you were an average weight before the end of the pregnancy.

-----------------------

Right now at 14 weeks the baby looks like this:

He or she should be around 5 inches long...which means they are 1 inch shy from the length of a dollar bill :)

Finally Done!

2007-10-24T08:02:00.000-07:00

So this one took me FOREVER since I sewed the whole thing by hand...and it wasn't as simple as adding on a border.

Nybbles had to check it out to see if it was good enough...apparently it is, since she is now sleeping soundly in a ball on the blanket.

Our Baby's Chinese Symbol

2007-10-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

They are born under the symbol rat. Which means:

Rat was the first animal in the Chinese zodiac cycle. It is usually considered aggressive, ambitious, suspicious, power-hungry, honest, generous, quick to anger and prone to spend freely. Those born under the sign of Rat are imaginative, charming, and truly generous to the one they love. However, they have a tendency to be hot-tempered and overly critical. They are usually suitable for sales work or work as a writer, critic, or publicist. Rats will get well along with Dragons and Monkeys, however should avoid Horses.

Rat babies love to be cuddled and tend to depend a lot on their parents when young, but as they grow they develop natural leadership qualities which a trait from being first in the Chinese horoscope. As toddlers they start to exhibit very active mental abilities and are eager to learn. They love to collect things and will fill their bedrooms with pebbles, bits of paper and anything they fancy. Generally, young rats are smart little people with artistic and literary skills as well as excel in sports.

from the Sarcastic Journal

2007-10-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

Everything changes the second the double lines appear on the home pregnancy test. You are no longer you. You are now a pregnant woman. And apparently you are now available for public pestering regarding everything to do with pregnancy. That’s right: the tiny baby in your belly makes women around the world believe they can give you advice.

My personal favorites happen to be the old wives tales. It’ll happen at least once; you’ll be standing in line at the store and an older lady will approach you. She’ll tell you that since you’re packing on pounds in your rear that it is “a boy!”

Wait. Did she just tell you that your butt is fat?

Yes, and she feels she has the right to do so. Why? Because you are pregnant!

When else could someone comment on the width of your nose (if it has spread, it is a boy) or the size of your breasts (bigger means girl!) than when you are with child?

What better time to assault a woman than when she is pregnant, hormonal and changing daily? Most of us are either too shocked or too polite to tell these women where they can take their advice.

Next time one of these ladies points out that “the little girl in there has stolen all your looks,” pat her on the rear and say “So, I assume you’re due with your little boy any day now?