You should be 6 years old, bubbly about your friends at school. We should have been having a party were you even invited a few friends. But instead we celebrate your short life without you.
Mommy is in a much better place now with all of this. I know you know, but I think it's important for the world to. As your day approached it snuck on me. Before I would get to my birthday and dread the next week, this time is was different. What does another day make? Another year? At this point the time between is so vast what does it matter another hour passes or month even. I no longer measure things in time with you. I will always celebrate your birthday in some day. I will always celebrate your angelversary in some way, but it's different now. They don't mean the same thing as what they once did. I celebrate you every day. I live and breathe you like I do my other children. I've made you a part of life through what I do and just like how your brother and sister are apart of daily life so are you. So now when your birthday approaches it's alot like theirs, oh wow another year has gone by...and life moves on.
I hesitated posting this. Not that 100s of people read this blog, but I worry how it will perceived. Many I think will feel like I have forgotten you, given up, or just plain don't care anymore that I have living children... and thats not the case. I just have found a way to make you part of my life so for me your not dead, but rather living through me and with me all the time now. Just like a mother who passes will live on in the hearts of her children... my child lives on in the heart of me. Love you baby girl... always and forever.
